The Stars
by benzbabidoll
Summary: One-Parter. R&R. As Seth sails away, many things come to his mind about how he left. -Love 2 Get Your Feedback.


_Another Little One-Parter I Just thought of._

_I Don't own anything "The O.C" Related. I wish I did though._

_Song - Sugarcult: Counting Stars_

* * *

I guess being here makes you think. It makes you think about things you never thought about before. Being trapped in the middle of nowhere would do that. Trapped on a boat with no one but yourself. Yeah, you think about all the things you should have thought of before. Under the beautiful stars you see what you think. It plays in your head. 

_Hey, I wanna crawl out of my skin  
Apologize for all my sins  
All the things I should have said to you_

Everyday that I've been gone, which is been two days, four hours six minutes and 34 seconds, I can't stop thinking about her. She'll never want me back. She'll never except me for leaving her. I always intended about coming back. I always know I'll love her. I can't tell her though. Summer could never say it back. She can't feel that way, she knows I can so that's all that matters.

I left her a letter. I wrote it over and over. I threw at least a stack of paper out. Killing trees she'd say. Birds live in trees, chipmunks play in trees. She loved all of those things. Dammit. Everything is Summer. I wonder what she'll say when she looks at it? She won't cry. She knows that I need this. I couldn't stay, I felt like I had nothing to stay for. Yet, every second I'm out here, I feel like she would have been my reason. Hell, I know she was my reason. Yet, I still left.

_Hey, I can't make it go away  
Over and over in my brain again  
All the things I should have said to you_

I should have called. I should have asked her to come, I could have hinted. Anything. If she would have known, I wouldn't of left. I needed to go. Ryan made me feel whole, he was the night in shining armor that I needed all my life. He wasn't coming back now.

_Counting stars wishing I was okay   
Crashing down was my biggest mistake  
I never ever ever meant to hurt you_

Sometimes I think it was all of my fault. I could have noticed Oliver's bit before. I could have shown Marissa, she would have caught on. He never would have seen Teresa, he never would have slept with her. I was to late. Everything caught up with me too quicky. I didn't believe him, I fell for Summer and Anna. I was distracted to even notice that Ryan needed me. He had Luke to depend on. He should have had me. So in the end, I could have fixed it. It was my fault. I didn't help Ryan, instead I fell in love and now he has to pay the consequences. So when he left, the only thing I could do was go back to what I always did...Run. I couldn't even look him in the eye, or give a proper goodbye. I knew that was the last time I would see Ryan Atwood. He'd never be the Ryan I met the year before. He'd change. That was my fault.

___I only did what I had to   
Counting stars again_

Summer would love t see what I see right now. I see the stars. I see her eyes shining bright. I bet she's not proud of me. I didn't handle myself appropriately. I could have. I could have been a man, but I wasn't. I've never acted like one, why start when I needed to the most. I'm losing myself so quick. I know there was so much I could have done. So much I could have said...

_Hey, I'll take this day by day by day  
Under the covers I'm okay I guess  
Lost assure that I feel small_

But I didn't do anything. I lost grip, I gave up and ran away. I'll never have the life I had last year back. Ryan will be gone, Summer will have vanished, I don't want to even ever see Marissa again. Nothing will be the same.

_Counting stars again_

A few drops of water fall from my eyes. Coming was a mistake, It's hit. I can feel the realization of what I'm doing. I'm numb. I want to go home, yet home isn't where my heart is anymore. Home was only when Ryan was there. He made it my home.

_Counting stars again_

Now, home is out there. Where nowhere leads too. My home till summer's end. Till I get the courage to face the fears back in Newport I don't have the courage to face now. To go back to the unhappiness and loneliness of what lies ahead. 'Have a great summer Seth, you'll be back in hell before you know it'

___Counting stars again_

I lay my head against the back of 'Summer Breeze'. I make sure I'm adjusted so I can stare up at the sky above. It's a clear night, nothing but stars are above me. The stars make my pictures. The pictures of the faces I want to see. The faces I miss, but must take a break from. The faces I wish I couldn't see, wouldn't haunt me.

_Counting stars again_

2 days, Four hours, 12 minutes and 16 seconds. I could already tell that this Summer was going to go by slow. I guess I already know what I'll be doing. I guess even when you run away, you never end up getting away. No, because no matter how far you go the stars will show you what your thinking. You can never get away from the stars.

___I haven't forgot about my other fics. I'll be updating them tomorrow._

_Please Leave Some Feedback._

_-Rachel._


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